Empty vessel

Lately I've been sort of blah about religion and God. I'm not sure why, I'm not sure what caused it, it's just something I'm going through right now. It's so easy to self pity yourself and sit around and complain rather than going out and making an effort to see the wonderful things around me. I was listening to a sermon about how to love your husband, and she kept saying over and over that if things aren't good with God then things aren't going to be good with any of my relationships, including my husband. I don't necessarily think things are bad with God, but they're just...well...there. I'm starting to listen to this new series by Andrew Wommack, someone that Jeff and I both really like, called the 4 keys to staying full of God. It's pretty amazing and convicting. The same message is over and over in the first talk, it's not God that turns away it's me. And how true is that, I haven't read my bible in...well God knows when, I haven't really been learning lately, I haven't found a fellowship that I have really felt like being open and honest with, I have yet to find my purpose in Kunming and being okay with it...and yet, I keep being reminded how much God loves me and that I am not a disappointment to Him, no matter how much I may put Him off, He is always there, helping me along, even if I don't ask for it, He is faithful to me. He understands me, He knows me, He has compassion on me, He never gets tired of listening to me gripe and complain, but instead He patiently waits for me to realize how amazing He is over and over until I am in complete surrender. What I'm sick of is going back and forth to these points, it's annoying. "I am empty but I know your love does not run dry. And so I wait for you. Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide. I am weary but I know your touch restores my life. So I wait for you."